Osei Ernest Agyemang. Sir Ernestt. Game Boy. Chancellor. A man with more names than most people have relatives, and today, on your birthday, I have decided it is finally time to tell the truth about all of them.
For years, people have been deceived into thinking you are a good man. They have been fooled by your smile, your generosity, and your calm nature. But today, the mask must come off.
You are an absolutely wicked person. You go around helping people as if you have nothing better to do with your time. It is honestly disturbing. A normal man would mind his business. You, apparently, cannot.
You are one of the most unkind people I have ever met. You refuse to ignore people in need. Instead, you insist on encouraging them, supporting them, and making them believe life can get better. What kind of behaviour is that? Some of us are trying to maintain a healthy level of pessimism around here, and you keep ruining it with hope.
I also hate you. Yes, I said it. I hate the way you have made yourself impossible to dislike. I hate the respect people have for you. I hate the fact that wherever you go, people seem genuinely happy to see you, as though you had personally done something to deserve it.
You are far too proud of yourself. You insist on dressing well and looking presentable as though every day is a special occasion. Must you always remind the rest of us to improve our wardrobes? Some of us are trying to enjoy the freedom of dressing badly in peace.
And then there is your terrible habit of being known by so many people. Can you not stay quietly in one corner like a normal person? Everywhere I turn, someone seems to know you. Sir Ernestt here, Chancellor there, Game Boy from over here. I am beginning to suspect you were introduced to this entire country at birth and simply never stopped being introduced since.
Speaking of which, Chancellor. As though ordinary greatness was not already enough for you, you had to go and collect a title that belongs to a university. Do you hand out honorary degrees at parties as well, or is that reserved for special occasions?
Your generosity is another serious problem. You have made many people depend on your kindness, your advice, and, if we are honest, your ability to show up at exactly the moment someone needed a friend without being asked twice. If only you were a little more selfish, the rest of us would have far fewer reasons to admire you and considerably more reasons to relax.
Then there is the laughter. You have somehow made it your personal mission to turn every gathering, no matter how dull it started out, into something people still talk about weeks later. It is deeply unfair to the rest of us who simply came to eat quietly and go home.
Worst of all, you do not fear God, at least that is what I wanted to say. But everyone who knows you can see that your faith, your humility, and your respect for God are written all over your life, in a way that makes the rest of us slightly uncomfortable about our own.
Now, jokes aside.
You have become more than a friend. You have become family, and I thank God for your life. Whatever name people choose to call you today, Sir Ernestt, Game Boy, Chancellor, or simply Ernest, they are all describing the same rare thing, a man whose friendship has been a genuine blessing to everyone fortunate enough to know him.
I pray that the years ahead will be greater than the years behind you. May God grant you long life, good health, wisdom, peace, and uncommon favour. May every dream He has placed in your heart come to pass. May doors of opportunity continue to open before you, and may your family know joy, strength, and abundant blessings. May your influence increase, your laughter never cease, and may God’s hand continually guide and protect you.
Happy birthday, my brother. Keep shining, keep growing, and keep being the wonderful, deeply irritating example the rest of us are quietly trying to live up to. May God crown this new year of your life with His goodness and give you many more years worth celebrating.
Happy Birthday, Chancellor. The people, apparently, have spoken.
Happy birthday to a human-kind