THE THEATRE OF APPEARANCES

Society is remarkably effective at teaching people how to look good. It is far less effective at teaching them how to be good.

From childhood, we are trained in presentation. We are taught how to dress properly, how to sit properly, how to speak politely, and how to behave in ways that earn approval. None of these lessons are wrong in themselves. Order and respectability have value. The problem arises when appearance becomes the primary measure of character.

When that happens, we begin to judge people by what is visible rather than by what is true.

Gradually a culture of pretense develops. People learn to polish the surface while neglecting the substance beneath it. They manage impressions. They curate an acceptable image. The world sees the well-presented exterior, while the private struggles, doubts, and sometimes moral failures remain carefully hidden.

In such a culture, performance becomes more important than integrity.

A Small Incident with a Larger Lesson

I was reminded of this reality during an incident at work.

One day I walked into an office and saw a young gentleman standing before two senior officials. Their voices carried authority and frustration. The young man looked embarrassed and shaken. The issue that had drawn such attention was the earring he was wearing.

He was instructed to remove it immediately.

Quietly, he took it off. The officials kept it aside and informed him that he could not leave the campus with it. It would only be returned to him when he was ready to leave.

The entire scene lasted only a few minutes, but it stayed with me long afterward. The young man walked away visibly wounded. Whatever lesson the officials intended to teach had been lost in the manner of its delivery.

Later I met him and asked where he was going. In conversation he mentioned that he had spent much of his life in the United States and would soon return there. To him, he was going back to a place where such things would not matter.

That brief exchange left me thinking.

Why do we invest so much energy policing appearances while paying so little attention to character?

An earring is visible. It attracts immediate judgment. But dishonesty, cruelty, corruption, and betrayal often hide comfortably behind well-ironed shirts and polite greetings.

Personally, I would rather raise a son who wears an earring and lives with integrity than one who looks perfectly respectable while quietly lying, cheating, or betraying trust.

The earring is easy to see. A broken character is not.

Training Performers Instead of People

When societies focus excessively on outward symbols, they unintentionally train people to avoid looking wrong rather than to avoid being wrong.

That distinction matters.

People quickly learn the rules of appearance. They learn how to dress appropriately, how to speak respectfully in public, how to maintain the image that others expect. They become skilled performers.

But performance is not character.

A person can appear disciplined while living recklessly in private. A person can look respectable while acting dishonorably when no one is watching.

The applause that performance receives often hides the emptiness beneath it.

Selective Judgment in Public Life

This selective concern for appearances also shows itself in public life.

Recently, when the Member of Parliament Baba Jamal was sworn into office, a photograph circulated showing him asleep in Parliament shortly afterward. In many political environments such an image would trigger sharp criticism. After all, people might ask: after such a long struggle to enter Parliament, how does one fall asleep moments after taking the oath of office?

Yet the reaction from many quarters was different.

Instead of condemnation, explanations emerged. Some spoke of exhaustion. Others appealed for patience and understanding. The tone was sympathetic rather than hostile.

Interestingly, that same public space has often shown little mercy toward others in similar situations. At times even elderly leaders have been subjected to harsh criticism for far smaller matters.

The contrast was striking.

It revealed how easily public judgment bends according to sympathy, political loyalty, or prevailing sentiment.

Today we defend. Tomorrow we condemn.

What is unacceptable in one instance becomes understandable in another.

The Problem of Flexible Standards

The deeper problem is that our standards are not always guided by principle. They are guided by preference.

We decide who deserves patience and who deserves punishment. We decide whose mistakes are forgivable and whose errors are unforgivable. We decide when to extend grace and when to withdraw it.

In such an environment, hypocrisy quietly becomes normal.

Society begins to focus on minor visible offenses while ignoring deeper moral failures. What someone wears becomes a matter of concern, while how someone behaves becomes secondary.

We become more interested in appearance than in conduct.

From Policing to Guiding

If society is to mature, it must rethink its priorities.

The goal should not be to humiliate people into compliance with outward rules. The goal should be to guide people toward understanding the deeper values behind those rules.

Correction without explanation often breeds resentment rather than growth. When people are embarrassed in public, they rarely become better. They simply become more careful performers.

Real growth happens when people feel respected enough to listen and reflect.

Instead of judging quickly, we should learn to coach.
Instead of shaming, we should teach.
Instead of forcing people to pretend, we should help them build genuine character.

Human beings do not improve because they were embarrassed. They improve because they were guided.

Beyond the Costume

The time has come to move beyond appearances.

Character matters more than costume. Integrity matters more than image. What a person does should matter more than what a person wears.

If we continue to reward performance while ignoring substance, we will keep producing generations who know how to look right while quietly living wrong.

Enough of the theatre.

Society must learn to value what truly matters.